We're Still Breathing

It's been what, almost two months since my last post? That sounds about right.

If you follow me on twitter, you may have read:

According to my 2yo, I'm wrong about everything, always, even if I give her exactly what she asked. She lets me know with screams.
— Alisha Abner (@weesherweesh) November 14, 2013

I feel like most of my day is spent having small tyrants yell at me. When one makes behavior progress, another gets worse. But I guess that's just the way these things go.

Photo by Emily B Photography

These little things aren't tyrants 100% of the time, though. The other day 4-year-old Jonas "walked" at least a quarter mile of the walk home from school dancing like Jamiroquai. Seriously, when I asked him who he was being (suspecting his answer but not wanting to influence it), he said, "Jamiroquai." Lately he's been singing "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" by the Backstreet Boys, "Volcano" by The Presidents of the United States of America (this is his favorite to sing while sitting on the potty), "The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)" by Ylvis, and "Talk on Indolence" by The Avett Brothers (who he calls "Ado Brothers"). The kid has said for a couple years now that he has music in his bones. I've started playing rhythm/pattern games with him on his drums.

Jonas in his favorite sweater. Photo by Emily B Photography

Simon has a best buddy at school. He and his auntie have been to our house twice now. Everyday I ask Simon who he played with at recess, and the answer is always this friend. When I ask him what they played, 95% of the time it's Spider-Man (and there's often a game or two of "Chase the Girls" as well). I took this picture of them at their friend's birthday party. It makes me happy. Both boys have a framed copy now.

Best Buddies

Charzie, oh Charzie! This one is so incredibly smart, so incredibly adorable and so incredibly manipulative! She is an absolute joy one moment and will drive me to the brink of insanity the next. We had to take pretty much all of her toys out of her room to keep her from getting up to play during nap time. It is vital that I get her into bed for nap before 1:00pm, otherwise legendary battles ensue. She doesn't have to be asleep by 1:00, just in bed. But this girl completely melts my heart when she does things to make me happy. She will say, "Are you happy, Mommy? I want to help you and make you happy!" then she will give me a bite of what she's eating or clean up or whatever she can think to do.

Photo by Emily B Photography

Let's see, what has happened in the last couple months? Well, Halloween happened...

Boo-tiful Ghost, Swamp Creature & Skeleton

I made/adapted the kids' costumes. Jonas' make-up irritated his eyes and we had to go with a partially painted face with a bandit-type mask for actual Halloween since we had family portraits scheduled for a couple days later. The kids had fun with Halloween, but I sort of lost my love for my favorite holiday. The weather was dreary, we didn't really do anything all that special and the kids misbehaved pretty badly. But Chase & I had a pretty great couple costume (even if no one got it)...

Vampire Weekend at Bernie's

In case you need it explained, Vampire Weekend is a hipster-y band. Weekend at Bernie's is a movie from 1989 where a couple guys have a party at Bernie's house only Bernie is dead and they pretend that he is alive and partying with them. (There are sequels.)

Let's see, what else? I'll be discontinuing my job as our church's administrator, but I do hope to start doing the occasional freelance cake and/or invitation designs. I was on the ball and already designed and ordered our Christmas cards for this year; I just received an email that they've been shipped! And now you're probably pretty much caught up. So here are a few more pics from our session with Emily B Photography:

Accurate depiction of what it's like wrangling our kids for a nice pic

Check out Charzie's face

Sword sticks

Sword sticks

Okay, I guess by a few more pics I really meant a bunch more. Oh well!

Not About the Baby

So here's a post that's not about Simon...

What? I have something to type about that's not about my baby? Yeah, crazy, huh?

I'll just get right down to it: I'm starting a design business. It will mostly be card-type things such as birth announcements, invitations, Christmas cards, thank you cards, and pretty much anything else I can think of or someone would commission me to do (I wouldn't be opposed to doing posters or t-shirts). I've been in contact with a local printing company to get an idea about pricing and such and it's looking like this can actually be made into a reality!

Once I do a little more research and decide what kind of paper to use and such, I'm going to set up a simple web site and an Etsy store. In the meantime, I've started working on sample templates... ok, really I've just made one mediocre design, but hey, it's a start!

I'm planning on selling "print-your-own" files (if that be your fancy) as well as the actual cards (both single sided and folded).

So there you have it! I'll be sure to post a link once I get things up and running. Remember me when you're looking for wedding and baby shower invitations... and next fall when you're getting Christmas cards! Now have some babies so I can do your birth announcements!

Wasp Gang: The Sequel

The wasps are back and out to get me... again. Not thinking, I left my windows down when I went home for lunch. When I opened my car door to head back to work, one flew right at me from inside the car! I squealed (of course), then it just sort of hovered around my door. I'm sure it was teasing me because I could almost hear it laughing. Just as I was about to swing my bag at it and run/cry, it flew away. Surely it went to plot revenge or at least report to the rest of the wasp gang. Since there was only one (as far as I could tell), it must have been a spy. The gang of wasps will probably try to eat my baby now that they know I'm pregnant.

Wasps, if you're reading this, you've got less than three weeks for your attack, then you'll have to find someone else to torment because we're moving.

Be Thankful or ELSE!

Is it just me or does it look like Jesus is about to snap this guy's neck?

We get a catalogs in the church office for ordering junk, er, items to enhance the ministries of the church. Occasionally these catalogs will have helpful items, but usually it's junk the church or kids' parents will throw away after vacation Bible school.

This book came from the Church Edition of SmileMakers. I'm only guessing the lesson to be learned in this book is that if you're not appreciative of what Jesus did for you, He will snap your neck.

I'm sure this book has a better, truer lesson for kids, or you could always just stick to the original.

I'm So Excited, I'm So... Scared?

Well, we've been back home since Saturday evening and I've been back to work for two days now. It's always so strange going back to work after a long break. I don't know what to do with myself! It's nice that this is a two-day work week!

Now I'll update you on the excitement that happened over the break...

Nintendo Wii- One of Chase's students left his Wii at the BCM intending to come back and get it before Christmas, but he got snowed in and said we could borrow it. There's been lots of Wii action at our place lately (and was at our parents' homes since we brought it with us to KY over Christmas).
Here are some favorites:
Wii Sports- bowling (a favorite to play) and boxing (a favorite to watch)
Rayman's Raving Rabbids II- a lot of fun mini games including getting your Rabbid to burp the loudest causing destruction in Paris, eating butterflies, cooking chickens with fire burps from eating peppers, shooting plunger guns and more.
Zelda: Twilight Princess- Chase plays this game whenever he can. He should be conquering it very soon.
Cranium Kabooki- Kyle & Chelsea, our friends who also love Cranium games, brought this one over for our New Year's Party. It was a blast!

New Year's Party- We decided a couple days before New Year's Eve to have a party. Ten adults and a toddler were in our trailer, as opposed to our party last year consisting of Chase, me and our friend John (all of which fell asleep at some point prior to the ball dropping). This year we missed the ball dropping not because we were napping or playing Wii (we paused it), but because we couldn't find what channel showed it for central time! By the time we made it over to Fox (the only station rebroadcasting it on basic cable), it had already dropped. So we went back to Wii and just used a countdown timer during one of the Kabooki games and pretended that was the countdown to 2008.

Baby R2- Since the big ultrasound, Baby R2 has discovered that my bladder is a very fun place to kick. It doesn't hurt, but it feels very strange especially when full. I believe his favorite position is breech (like he's standing up) and he loves to kick my bladder and fire-punch either side of my belly button. He usually only kicks a few times in a row that I can feel, but on Christmas Day something got into him and he just went to town kicking (thankfully not my bladder) for probably over a minute. Chase got to feel it for the first time.

So there ya have it, the excitement of the last week or so of my life.

**Bonus points to whoever knows what the title of this blog is from!**

Baby Cages

What does this look like to you?


To me, it looks like baby cages or baby prison cells. Who buys these baby cages? Apparently churches! At least, that's who they're being marketed to. This was from a catalog sent to my church (where I work).

So if you've got a bunch of bad babies, you get the four-cell baby cage, but if you've only got a couple bad babies, you might want this two-cell baby cage:


See that? She's saying, "Bad baby! Bad! I lock you in your cage now!" and the baby is about to cry. Oh, and if you've got really bad babies, you get the hole ("storage drawer" yeah right!):


But if you have good Christian babies, you reward them with special trophies!

Battle

Today I did battle not with one printer, but two. Both my desk printer and the monster printer in the other room had it in for me. They ganged up on me. Just when they thought they'd gotten the best of me, I did a sneak attack and was victorious! Church bulletins are printing as I type. All will be well for the 10 people who actually read them.

Bonus: Jim Gaffigan is supposed to be on Law & Order: Criminal Intent tonight!

Trophies

Lucky you! You get two posts from me in one day!

You probably know that I work in a church office. I am officially the office manager, but 99% of the time I'm called the church secretary. Anyway, working in a church office, I see all kinds of junk mail marketing stuff to churches. We get mail wanting our people to attend expensive seminars to learn how to save money; requests from musicians wanting to do a concert at our church; brochures about things to entertain, er, "educate" our youth and/or children about the Bible; and catalogs from companies wanting us to buy any kind of junk with a cross on it.

Today we received a catalog with this on the back:

The best I can make of it is they're trophies for praying. I guess the top three pray-ers in the church get trophies or something.

If you're a really good pray-er and more of your prayers come true than anyone else's, you just might be deemed the prayer champ and get one of these:

What a beaut! But don't feel bad if none of your prayers come true, there are special trophies for prayer participation, see?

Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous. Everybody knows that what the top pray-er should get is a crown and a sash with crosses all over them!

Oh, and Jim gets the prayer champ trophy for being the first to tell me I'm eating for two now.

Blast from the Past

Okay, I guess I've left you hanging long enough. Something cRaZy happened last week. (You know it's really crazy if the word crazy is typed in both lowercase and capital letters!)

Last Tuesday I was at work on my way back from the bathroom when I saw a young lady sitting in the church office. Hmmm, I thought, That looks a lot like Liz, but it can't really be her since she lives in Kentucky. Liz was my roommate my senior year of college at Morehead State. We were both on the speech team, too.

So, I walked into the office and it was Liz!

Liz is out here getting her PhD in math and had been looking for a church. She asked a couple friends about churches, and one of her friends' friends suggested Lakeland. Liz then looked Lakeland up online where she saw my picture and that I'm the church office manager. She decided that instead of just coming on Sunday, she'd stop by and surprise me in the office.

I think I stared at her in disbelief for about a half hour while we talked.

Told you it was cRaZy.

Mystery Solved!

I wouldn't say that my job is any more stressful or difficult than most office manager/secratary type jobs, but it's always difficult to go back to work after being gone for two weeks. I mean, I like my job and all, I love the people I work with, I love that I get to serve my church through my work, and I especially love being able to go home every day for lunch! Working in an office, though, is such a major contrast to what we had been doing in Poland on our mission trip for two weeks. I went from having something different to do almost daily in a new environment to doing familiar work behind a desk. I know, too, that short term mission trips are more jam packed than long term. The missionaries in Lubin, Poland don't do what we did every day of every week, but still...

Well, like I said, my job isn't any more paticularly stressful than any other office job, but after coming back from another country for a couple weeks, little things were starting to get to me. For example: I had purchased a download of Photoshop CS2 for my office computer just before leaving. I'd printed off the receipt with the download site and username and password and left it in a spot where I knew I'd be able to easily find it when I got back. I still had some downloading left to do. Of course, when I came back to work I couldn't find the paper I needed. I checked files and folders on the computer, files and folders in my desk, and looked under any loose papers I could find until I gave up. It was the Mystery of the Disappearing Photoshop Code. For some reason (jet lag?) this little thing was stressing me out big time. I gave up...

But today, the lady who was filling in for me was here. I thought, "She probably won't remember what happened or even know what I'm talking about... but I should probably ask her anyway." So I asked Lori if she knew anything about it, and you know what? She did! The Mystery of the Disappearing Photoshop Code is solved!

Okay, so it's not really that exciting, but it was pretty relieving! Hopefully this week I'll be able to work some Photoshop magic, and that's at least exciting for me.

Side note: We're still updating the Poland Blog, so keep checking and keep praying for the church in Lubin.

Hooray!

Good news: I figured out how to work the folding machine here in the office and no longer have to fold 200 bulletins by hand!

Wasp Gang

Let me just start out by saying that I am afraid of wasps. Wait, no, not afraid- terrified. A wasp coming anywhere near me induces a great amount of anxiety. Now that you have this bit of information, let me go on to say that a gang of wasps has chosen our trailer as their hang out. Yes, I know that the correct grammatical term for a group of wasps is a swarm, but I say “gang” for a reason…

So, I came home for my lunch break and left my windows down in the car (important later). As I was stepping up to the front door, I noticed a wasp between our screen/glass door and the other door. I thought, If I open the screen door, it’s going to swing back and bump me, make the wasp mad, and the wasp will sting me.

Me- 0: Wasp Gang: 1

So I stood there for a minute trying to decide what to do. I opened the door and tried to get the wasp to fly away. It wouldn’t. The thing just clung on. I tried tapping on the screen a little- no effect, blowing on the wasp- no effect. Then I realized that the wasp was actually caught between the glass and the screen! Ha-ha! I’d be able to get inside without being stung! I did.

Me- 1: Wasp Gang- 1

I got inside and shut the main door incase Waspie was able to escape. I sure didn’t want this guy inside with me! I ate some lunch, got some stuff together, wrapped a birthday present to mail to Keli, and had to go back out. But wait, I thought, the wasp might be between the doors now and either sting me or fly inside to sting me later! Luckily, the screen door didn’t shut all the way and Waspie was able to escape and fly away. Yippee!

Me- 2: Wasp Gang- 1

I went outside, locked the door, unlocked the door, went back inside, grabbed my phone went back outside, and locked the door again. Then I saw it; a wasp was flying around the driver-side door. Noooooooooo! I had to devise a plan.

Me-2: Wasp Gang- 2

I put my stuff in the passenger-side and walked around to the driver-side. I studied the wasp’s flying pattern. Then I ducked and weaved, jumped into the car, started the ignition and rolled up all the windows. Ha-ha, Waspo, you can’t get me!

Me-3: Wasp Gang-2

As soon as I rolled up the window, Waspo clung on. I tried rolling it up and down ever so slightly to get him to fly off. Eventually he did.

Me-4: Wasp Gang-2

That’s when I checked my rearview window and saw… There was a wasp inside the car! Curses!

Me-4: Wasp Gang- 3

Of course I started flipping out. I slammed on the breaks (still in the trailer park with no one behind me, mind you). I could hear the little guy buzzing and slamming up against the rear window, so I rolled all the windows down and kept checking the rearview mirror. Finally, I saw him fly out. Phew, safe again.

Me-5: Wasp Gang- 3

So then I was driving along on my way to the Post Office, when all of a sudden, just like out of a movie, I checked my rearview mirror just before turning onto the road leading to the Post Office and I saw this wasp fly straight up and hover where he was exactly in the center of my mirror. Of course I squealed like a little girl. I could hear his wings flapping right behind me as he was flying around my head!

Me- 5: Wasp Gang- 5 (This wasp gets a bonus for waiting until just the right moment to get maximum fear out of me, plus he reminds me the boss in a video game.)

I quickly rolled down all the windows, but this guy wasn’t going anywhere! I got to the Post Office as fast as I could, grabbed my stuff and got away from the car as fast as I could hoping that he’d fly out while I was inside.

Me-5: Wasp Gang- 6

After mailing Keli’s present and buying stamps, I went back to the car. I saw no sign of the wasp and got back in the car.

Me-6: Wasp Gang- 6

I made it back to work with no sign of the Boss Wasp. I thought I’d leave the windows down just incase, though. When I was getting out of the car, I heard it- the sound of Boss Wasp’s wings flapping against glass. I bolted out of there.

Me-5: Wasp Gang- 7 (I lost my point from the last round.)

There you have it. A gang of wasps is terrorizing me! Now feel free to laugh at my expense.

I Guess It's About Time..

I guess it's about time that I make the announcement: I've got a new job!

I now work in the office at my church as the office manager. It's great, and I like it a lot! Not only will I get to work with and learn more from my pastor and other staff members at my church, I'll have less than a five-minute drive, get to meet Chase for lunch whenever we want, have an increase in pay, and I'll get to know members of my church better.

It may not seem so exciting to you, but I'm pretty pumped about it. Through the end of the month I'm doing a couple days here and a couple days at the radio station training a replacement, but come April, I should be full-time at Lakeland.

Apparently We Stupid People in Illinois Don't Know Anything

It'd had been a while since I had one of these...

A Phone Conversation

ME: Hello, WBVN

CRAZY: Hello, is this the one on the radio?

ME: Yes, we’re on the radio.

CRAZY: I wanna make a request.

ME: We don’t usually take requests, but I can try to get your song played.

CRAZY: I wanna hear the one about the train… I don’t know the name of the song or who it’s by, but it’s the one about the train.

ME: Is it a Christian song?

(At this point I thought either he had the wrong station or it was my boss’ friend prank calling.)

CRAZY: Yeah! It’s a country song!

ME: We don’t play country music; this is a Christian station. We play contemporary Christian music here.

CRAZY: But your station is on the radio?

ME: Yes.

CRAZY: On 105.7?

ME: No, we’re 104.5.

CRAZY: Well, why did you answer the phone, then? I wanted 105.7.

ME: Because you called our number.

CRAZY: But you said you were the ones on the radio!

ME: Yes, there is more than one station on the radio.

CRAZY: (starting to get angry) Then why did she… they send me to you?

(I have no idea who “she” or “they” are!)

ME: Well, you called our number.

CRAZY: Can you send me to 105.7?

ME: Sorry, I can’t. We’re not affiliated with any other stations.

(Note: We are affiliated with a station out of Nashville, but that’s for nights and weekends. It makes no difference in this conversation.)

CRAZY: Well then how can I contact 105.7?

ME: You’ll have to call them.

CRAZY: How am I supposed to get their number? Can’t you just transfer me?

ME: No, we’re not a part of that station and they’re not a part of us. You’ll have to look that number up.

CRAZY: Why can’t you just give it to me?

ME: I don’t have their number.

CRAZY: You stupid people in Illinois don’t know anything! (Intelligible grumbling)

ME: Thank you! Bye! (Hang up)

(Turned out it was a crazy man with the wrong number!)

THE END

My Workplace

For all of you who are wondering what my brand new office looks like, have I got a treat for you! Here be a picture:

Yup. That's it. As of Monday, I no longer work in a radio station broadcasting out of the warehouse of a mobile home sales lot; I work at a radio station with its very own building! My desk is made of two doors that each got a corner cut off and some trim put on. All my compy wires go through the holes where the doorknobs go. The doors/desk is on top of file cabinets. One of those computers is for prodution only (no Interwebnet) and the other is for everything else. Swanky, no?

In other news, I finally got to sleep sometime around 2:00 a.m. Amazingly, I'm not too tired today, though! I expect it'll hit me later.

*Update: For more exciting pictures of where I work, click here.*

mmblrs

Attention All Mumblers:

I cannot understand you when you mumble. I understand you even less when you talk/mumble to me on the phone. I have no clue what you're saying when you talk/mumble to me on the phone very quickly. Please learn to enunciate. This would make communication between us more effective.

Thank you, that is all.

Multitasking Isn't Always a Good Idea

So this lady just called the radio station a little bit ago. She was asking about a song that had played. I went back and looked it up for her, but as I was telling her the info she said to hold on because she was driving and couldn’t write it down…

Ummmm…. Lady? When you picked up the phone (as you were driving) to call the station (as you were driving) with the intention to write down the song info (as you were driving) did you not realize that you were driving at the time and would not be able to, um, drive, talk on the phone, write stuff down and not wreck?

She said that she really didn’t want to pull over to write it down, but she did anyway. I think it was only after she tried to write and talk on the phone and drive at the same time but realized it wasn’t gonna happen.

Unrelated side note: I just saw a mouse scurry under my other desk in my office.

I'm Not Dead Yet...

I thought I'd give a quick update while I'm sitting here downloading a radio program. No, I'm not dead, but I am (hopefully only temporarily) partially deaf right now. I got pretty sick last week with whatever was going around. Thursday, I went to the clinic and the doc said it wasn't strep and I had no ear infections and I was good to go. Yesterday I could barely hear out of good ol' Left Ear. This morning a bit o fluid with some blood was coming out of Lefty. I figured Eh, I haven't had any head trauma, I'll be okay (even though my ear has been ringing for over 24 hours now). So I asked two mommies that I work with about what it means if your ear is bleeding. They told me it means I need to see a doctor. So clinic visit number two in one week is going to happen on my way home from work. Hooray for another co-pay! And hizzah for not yet meeting my deductible and having to foot the whole bills later! Yippee for having lame health insurance! I think the radio program is about finished downloading now.

Sir

In my post yesterday, I forgot to mention that for the first time in my life I was called "Sir" when I answered the phone (this was at work). Now, I may not sound like a woman on the phone, but I've never been mistaken for a man. I definitely have a feminine-sounding voice. On the phone (and on air), I sound more like a 12-year-old girl. I'm much more likely to get "Can I speak to your mom or dad?" than "Hello, sir..."

Granted, the person on the other end was some sort of telemarketer probably located in India, but still...

Foley

Today at work I got to play foley artist for a bit. I think the best sound effect I've made so far is a growl. I recorded myself growling and then dropped the pitch and also used a pitch bending effect. I had Tom listen to it without telling him what it was and asked him what it sounded like. He said a growl or maybe a dog growl. I told him it was me and his eyes got real wide and then he laughed. Later, I screamed several times into a microphone. Why can't every work day be like this?