Monday, April 02, 2007

Wasp Gang

Let me just start out by saying that I am afraid of wasps. Wait, no, not afraid- terrified. A wasp coming anywhere near me induces a great amount of anxiety. Now that you have this bit of information, let me go on to say that a gang of wasps has chosen our trailer as their hang out. Yes, I know that the correct grammatical term for a group of wasps is a swarm, but I say “gang” for a reason…

So, I came home for my lunch break and left my windows down in the car (important later). As I was stepping up to the front door, I noticed a wasp between our screen/glass door and the other door. I thought, If I open the screen door, it’s going to swing back and bump me, make the wasp mad, and the wasp will sting me.

Me- 0: Wasp Gang: 1

So I stood there for a minute trying to decide what to do. I opened the door and tried to get the wasp to fly away. It wouldn’t. The thing just clung on. I tried tapping on the screen a little- no effect, blowing on the wasp- no effect. Then I realized that the wasp was actually caught between the glass and the screen! Ha-ha! I’d be able to get inside without being stung! I did.

Me- 1: Wasp Gang- 1

I got inside and shut the main door incase Waspie was able to escape. I sure didn’t want this guy inside with me! I ate some lunch, got some stuff together, wrapped a birthday present to mail to Keli, and had to go back out. But wait, I thought, the wasp might be between the doors now and either sting me or fly inside to sting me later! Luckily, the screen door didn’t shut all the way and Waspie was able to escape and fly away. Yippee!

Me- 2: Wasp Gang- 1

I went outside, locked the door, unlocked the door, went back inside, grabbed my phone went back outside, and locked the door again. Then I saw it; a wasp was flying around the driver-side door. Noooooooooo! I had to devise a plan.

Me-2: Wasp Gang- 2

I put my stuff in the passenger-side and walked around to the driver-side. I studied the wasp’s flying pattern. Then I ducked and weaved, jumped into the car, started the ignition and rolled up all the windows. Ha-ha, Waspo, you can’t get me!

Me-3: Wasp Gang-2

As soon as I rolled up the window, Waspo clung on. I tried rolling it up and down ever so slightly to get him to fly off. Eventually he did.

Me-4: Wasp Gang-2

That’s when I checked my rearview window and saw… There was a wasp inside the car! Curses!

Me-4: Wasp Gang- 3

Of course I started flipping out. I slammed on the breaks (still in the trailer park with no one behind me, mind you). I could hear the little guy buzzing and slamming up against the rear window, so I rolled all the windows down and kept checking the rearview mirror. Finally, I saw him fly out. Phew, safe again.

Me-5: Wasp Gang- 3

So then I was driving along on my way to the Post Office, when all of a sudden, just like out of a movie, I checked my rearview mirror just before turning onto the road leading to the Post Office and I saw this wasp fly straight up and hover where he was exactly in the center of my mirror. Of course I squealed like a little girl. I could hear his wings flapping right behind me as he was flying around my head!

Me- 5: Wasp Gang- 5 (This wasp gets a bonus for waiting until just the right moment to get maximum fear out of me, plus he reminds me the boss in a video game.)

I quickly rolled down all the windows, but this guy wasn’t going anywhere! I got to the Post Office as fast as I could, grabbed my stuff and got away from the car as fast as I could hoping that he’d fly out while I was inside.

Me-5: Wasp Gang- 6

After mailing Keli’s present and buying stamps, I went back to the car. I saw no sign of the wasp and got back in the car.

Me-6: Wasp Gang- 6

I made it back to work with no sign of the Boss Wasp. I thought I’d leave the windows down just incase, though. When I was getting out of the car, I heard it- the sound of Boss Wasp’s wings flapping against glass. I bolted out of there.

Me-5: Wasp Gang- 7 (I lost my point from the last round.)

There you have it. A gang of wasps is terrorizing me! Now feel free to laugh at my expense.


J-Delicious said...

You need to contact your local anti-gang activity police unit, a.k.a. Raid. Good stuff. Glad you escaped Kool and the Gang.

Caleb said...

That story reminds me of a time when I was in second grade and a bumble bee flew in the through the classroom window and started buzzing right in front of my face. I flipped out right in the middle of the class. I started screaming like a girl, got up and started running around to get away from it. That was one of the many events contributing to my extreme lack of coolness while growing up.

Another neat fact about me: I'm not as afraid of flying, stingy things as I was growing up, but I used to be terrified of them. However, it is important to note that to my knowledge I have never been stung by anything other than a sweat bee. So I guess that just makes me even more of a panzy.